7 Steps to Dealing With a Cheating Partner
"There's good in everything; it's just how you choose to look at it", they say. But no matter what angle you look at it from - flip it, tilt it, turn it upside down - it is just plain hard to find anything good about being cheated on. It's always devastating. Especially when it occurs after years of your unreserved trust, the pain can be overwhelming. It's like suddenly, something you took years to build, something that your very life almost entirely revolves around, vanishes just like that.
Your reaction to such a revelation is almost always on auto-pilot. But, by taking a step backwards, analysing the whole situation before making any decisions, you are more likely to take better steps.
Take a breath. A break.
Here are 7 things to take note of as you deal with your cheating partner.
1. Understand it is not Your Fault that they Cheated
Granted, you may have contributed; hell, you might be the entire cause for one reason or the other. But, the fact that they went behind your back and betrayed your trust makes them the weaker person. That is their problem, not yours.
When two people are in a relationship, there are always things, problems that might make one cheat and it's therefore on the individual to choose to work these issues out. Your issues alone cannot be blamed for cheating, those will forever be your relationship's companion.
But, even in the light of such assuring words, it can be hard not to blame yourself for the plaguing infidelity, to question whether you're really worth being faithful to. Before tackling the infidelity, you have to come to a place where you understand you are not to blame.
2. Gather all the Facts
It would not be the smartest move to blurt out such serious accusations if you have no solid basis at all. If it turns out that you are wrong, tables will turn, and you will be the evil one, the one with no trust. The mere suspicion can be crippling to you. But take your time, don't do anything rash.
Take it easy and get all the facts until you are certain about what you're dealing with. If you have any hints that there is some infidelity, chances are, more convincing signs will soon show up if you pay close attention.
3. Confront them Calmly
With all the necessary information in your hands, you can now confront your partner. This involves expressing your suspicions and explaining why you suspect they are not being faithful. Hit them with the evidence you have collected then let them explain themselves out. Most lies fall apart after a few crisscrossing questions and the truth will be made bare.
4. To Leave or Not to Leave
Your next move depends on their response to your confrontation. Is it clear that they are cheating but won't accept it? Or did they confess? If they are clearly hiding their infidelity, it's on the cards that they will continue. But even if they stopped at this point, it will be hard for you to find closure since they haven't admitted their wrong-doing.
If they confess, and dearly claim to change, it's up to you to decide the fate of your relationship. Look at what's at stake here and choose to act for the greater good.
5. Try to Get Counselling
The best step to recovering your shaken, or perhaps broken relationship is to get counselling. Experienced professionals will be able to steer your decision making into clearer waters. Have sessions with both you and your partner present to see how to save what's left and get back what's lost
An affair, if well-handled and if your partner has really changed, can bring to light many hidden weeds in your relationship. It somehow becomes easier to be frank about your deepest feelings. The result is an even better relationship than ever before.
6. Know When to Pull the Plug
If they claim to have changed their ways, it is best to demand that your partner does not maintain any kind of contact with the person they cheated with. If it becomes clear that the infidelity has continued, it may be time to consider making a graceful exit before all your self-respect is stripped from you. After all, there are countless people that would be happy to be with you.
7. Cheating Shouldn't Automatically Result in the End of Your Relationship
It's important to note that infidelity shouldn't automatically mean the end of a relationship. If the cheating party has repented, the relationship can survive. The key is honesty. You truly have to have forgiven them completely, and they too have to have changed honestly. If not, you will not have prevented the death of your relationship; you will only have prolonged its terminal disease.
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