Broke up with a Cheater? Here are 4 Tips for Getting into a New Lasting Relationship
So, you are recovering from your last break up after your ex cheated. It’s been a while and you are now feeling like getting back into the dating game. Thumbs up for surviving the trauma, and more up for being brave enough to move on.
But even as we celebrate your bravado, there are a couple of questions on your mind. Will the next person be faithful? Can I trust anyone after what happened?
Those are normal questions considering that you are just recovering from the hits of your cheating ex. While such breakups are painful, there is at least one assured positive: you can learn from them to never get fooled again, at least not in the same way.
The problem comes in when you start using these experiences as a reference for every suspicious thing you see in your next partner. That has the potential to ruin your relationship and your hope for successful future attempts at romance.
Here are some things you can do to make sure that while using your breakup experience to point out red flags, you are not misled into snuffing the life out of your relationship with jealousy, unwarranted suspicion, and carry-over anger.
1. Never forget a single lesson from your experience
Although you are a victim of a cheating partner, there are always some things you could have done - or shouldn’t have done - to see the writing on the wall and save yourself.
Did you foolishly believe him when he said the only reason he meets her every weekend was to discuss what possible turn the next Game of Thrones episode could take? Or did she say she was spending huge amounts of time with him because he was tutoring her in calculus? Perhaps you saw everything but decided to take the usually futile shot at changing him?
There might have been gaping lapses in your judgment and while you need to forgive yourself for these, never forget the lessons in each.
2. The cheating is not your fault
What if you clearly contributed to the cheating? What if you were never there, not giving her your attention? Or what if you were clearly controlling and wanted to change him into a male replica of yourself, ultimately driving him into the arms of another woman?
Well, whatever you did to contribute, the cheating is not your fault. Yes, you might have been wrong, but yours are separate wrongs. The wrong in question is the betrayal of trust- for whatever reason- and they are guilty, not you.
It all comes down to the idea of learning from your mistakes without letting them drown you. Pick yourself apart only for the purpose of weeding out whatever imperfections you can get rid of but never to beat yourself about them.
3. Reconsider you ‘type’
If you have a specific type of partners you like and every time you get disappointed in a similar manner, maybe the problem is not that you come across misfortune. Maybe the problem is with you continually seeking it out with the type of partners you have limited yourself to.
Could you deep-down be attracted to the drama such people bring? Or are you the kind that is attracted to the Bad boy/ Bad girl type? Well, maybe you deserve a lot less sympathy for everything you are going through if that is the case.
4. Don’t Punish the New Person
Never making the mistake of acting hostile to your new partner for the sins of guys or girls past. You will not be doing your relationship any good by behaving as if your partner is cheating but you just don’t know it.
If you cannot come into a new relationship without the hurtful strings from previous bad ones then you simply are not ready to date. Instead of wasting your time and subjecting yourself to ever piling emotional pain, take some time off and let the dirty water drain before allowing any new fresh one.
You should be able to come into a new relationship without fear or insecurity. Nobody wants to be with a closed up person. If you cannot let yourself get emotionally vulnerable, which is necessary for a relationship to thrive, give yourself some time to heal. In some cases, time may never be able to close the wound. A visit to a counsellor might do you wonders.