Values Vs Interests in Your Relationship
Are you and your partner compatible? What things enable two people in a relationship to weather all sorts of trials and still be holding hands on the other side of hell? Well, that has to be a complex question, and the answers might be unique to each couple. But, on close inspection, most of these will boil down to two things: Values and Interests.
What Are Values and Interests
Without having to get deeply philosophical, winded, and possibly boring, interests are simply the things that you like to do. It is those things that take away your boredom and peak your interest. These could be your favourite TV shows, some sport that you enjoy, or other hobbies like gardening, and such activities.
Values, on the other hand, are those things that govern your main decisions, those that shape your character and can be used to predict how you will respond to some of life's incidents. Some of the core values include belief or unbelief in the existence of God, ideas about how children should be raised, ideas about how a family should be run, ideas about frugality and extravagance, etc.
Dependability: Not given to the idea of letting people down
Commitment: Sticking to one path, a good path preferably.
Open-mindedness: Ability to change your views when faced with a legitimate opposing line of thought
Consistency: Ability to stick to who you are and what you stand for even when it's not convenient
Honesty: Believing that telling the truth is paramount at all times. Lying is not even on the list of options.
Optimism: The decision to always see the positive in all
Respect: Acting in ways that affirm the value of other people always.
What's more Important Between Shared Values and Shared Interests?
It's important to note that both values and interests are vital to a relationship, but their importance is different. Interests are what help keep you spending great times together, learning about each other. They might be the topics of your meets when things are light and there is no need to go deep into any meaty issues. You are just meeting for coffee, going to the movies, talking bout this or that book; it's fun and things are light.
Interests will continue to be the basis of some of your most memorable times together as your relationship progresses.
Values, on the other hand, start really showing up later in the relationship and they play a huge role in sustaining your union. if you don't value honesty, telling a lie about how the remote broke might be an insignificant piece of candy. But to your partner, the fact that you are lying, although about something trivial, can be a huge issue. You might even wonder why they would make a mountain out of a hill. But the truth is it a mountain to them, a hill to you.
Do you let the kids play with this or that kid? Do you allow them to wear a certain type of clothing? Are you okay with your partner spending time with that weird voodoo dude from across the street? Are you okay with your partner spending money on a new lawnmower just because it's more boss and cooler? Such are some of the questions that revolve around values.
Is it possible to be with someone whose values are different from yours?
A couple with exactly the same values probably has two unicorns parked in the garage: they don't exist. The truth is, it is possible to be with someone you do not share the same values with, but it will need a lot of work and at one point, the relationship might just buckle.
The word is compromise.
You just have to compromise for the sake of your relationship; every couple does that. But it's about knowing how far important the values are to you, and what compromising them would mean. You may compromise your values about veganism, but it would be difficult to deal with opposing ideas about spending money - the cause of so many fights.
What About Unshared Interests?
As has been stated, you can't have someone with whom you share the same interests exactly. Maybe that's even a good thing as it gives your relationship another dimension instead of being this monotonous show.
The key lies in making time to do the things that both of you love and enjoy, making sure you milk those moments for all their worth. It's also about allowing your partner to do what they enjoy in the best way they can. What your partner would really appreciate, however, would be to give a chance to their interests. Support them even if their idea of fun is not your cup of tea.
Know Your Values First
Before you decide to jump into any relationship, it's important that you know what your values are exactly. This will save you the pain of kissing a thousand frogs or having to spend more than a genie's 50 wishes.
Most people simply can't see the opposing values staring in their faces, or they simply ignore them in the beginning. But when the day of reckoning comes those values will stand important. Even if you say you are willing to compromise, at least try to know what you will be dealing with.
The More You Have in Common The Better.
While it is less about having the same values and interests and more about how you approach the differences, it would be a lie to say having someone with whom you share the same values does not make a relationship easier. You would do well to find someone as close to that as possible. That is why we have different dating categories on this site. You are bound to find someone like you here.